To ALL The Ladies In the Place...
Hey loves! This blog post is so impromptu! I didn't at all expect to be talking about this subject because a girl like me isn't supposed to have this issue. I had a young lady DM me on Instagram and ask me "how did I become so comfortable in my body?" She explained to me that she sees the pictures I post and I'm so confident and she wants that same confidence. This message made me smile because I was happy to know my pictures portrayed confidence but that smile quickly faded. Instead of giving her a generic "thank you" and the typical "girl love yourself" speech, I decided to be 1000% honest with her.
My body/weight has been a HUGE issue of mine for a while now. The journey to truly accept all of my imperfections has been an ongoing battle of good vs. evil. I have been obsessed with losing weight, being small and not being at all confident with my body. I've screenshot so many "perfect, small, petite bodies" because I thought having this small, perfect frame would make me more desireable. I had been writing down all these meal plans and workout plans because I was obsessed with making sure I looked good! I began to pick at every single flaw on my body. From my back fat to the rolls on my stomach to my overly thick thighs and my less than toned arms. I would spend all my days obsessing over every imperfection on my body. Someone would tell me I look pretty and instead of saying "thank you," I would point out everything wrong with myself. I began to equate my weight to why I was single. We live in a society where no-one has ugly moments and everybody is madly in love with themselves! Not your girl! I began to believe the reason I was single was because I wasn't the "prototype" and my body was too flawed. I began to complain so much about myself that it began to rub off on my daughter and she began to obsess over her body and her imperfections. I was uploading pictures but would pick out everything that was wrong with myself and would literally want to take them right back down.
My energy became clouded with unrealistic views of myself and it affected everything I did. I couldn't give anything my all because so many of my thoughts were consumed with an unattainable goal which succumbed my every being. My negative energy was overtaking me and the hardest thing to do when this happened was to pull myself out of it. The hardest thing to do is face your "demon" and live up to your pessimistic attitude. The indisputable thing to do is to face your reality and learn to live your truth. I am NOT skinny! I am NOT perfect! I am ME!
Yes, I can go the gym, eat right and still not reach this imaginative weight I had proposed for myself. I could obtain this flat stomach and perfectly defined thighs and still end up single as hell. Plain and simple, I had to fall in love with ME again. I had to look in the mirror and accept RAMAISEYA! I had to stand in the mirror, vulnerable and transparent, telling myself I'm beautiful the way I am. I did a photoshoot a couple of weeks ago and prior to capturing the photos, I felt such a relief because I wasn't sitting around picking out my flaws, instead I was letting the back fat and thick thighs make themselves right at home in front of those lenses. I had to look at those pictures and instead of picking apart everything wrong with me, I celebrated the fact that I am BEAUTIFUL, CURVEALICIOUS, ONE HELL OF A WOMAN and any man God sends me will be blessed beyond measure because your girl really is doper than DOPE!
So to answer your question dear, the woman you see in those pictures can smile and laugh because I am ME! I am not her with the six pack nor am I her with the size 4 petite frame, I am ME! Once I acknowledged that, I could be who I was destined to be...ME!
Face your flaws, embrace your imperfections and celebrate the mishaps. We all wish we were smaller, curvier, had bigger butts, larger breasts and a smaller waistline but those things are not what make us one of a kind. It's the way you treat others, your drive to come home after working an eight-hour shift and burn the midnight oil editing an episode of your online talk show. It's the way you encourage the ones you love and snort when something is seriously funny. You betta work girl because God ain't make not one mistake when he crafted you!:)