Will the Mommies Please Stand Up...
Happy Wednesday!! This past week has been one of the most mentally draining weeks of my life. From back to school to activity schedules to just trying to maintain my sanity. It has been quite a lot. I quickly found myself slipping away and really had to catch myself before I was gone for good. I have beaten myself up over and over again because I've forgotten appointments, lunches and leaving clothes on the door. I can honestly say that, I was overwhelmed! I don't know what you've heard but motherhood is NO JOKE. Anyone that makes it look like a walk in the park is completely feeding you a fairytale because it's not easy. I'm constantly questioning myself, while making sure the decisions I make for my daughter are ones that'll help her blossom into the best version of herself.
I recently found out my daughter was having trouble in Math which stemmed from last school year and I automatically became disappointed in by myself. I felt like maybe I should've done more over the summer to better prepare her. I questioned my every move and evaluated all the ways I could've done better and been better as a mother. I thought maybe I should've had her do more worksheets over the summer break. I thought to myself "What am I doing wrong" because obviously my child was having an issue and I wasn't doing something right. I began to feel as though I was failing as a mother and as a woman because I had dropped the ball. As you know vulnerability is hard for me and claiming defeat is even harder. I refused to believe that MY child was not "gifted" or a part of the "ELITE" according to her school standards. I refused to believe I couldn't be Superwoman, dope mommy, dope woman and build this brand all at the same time. My mind didn't realize my baby is doing the best she can and she can't excel in all areas of learning. My mind didn't realize that her having a hiccup in school doesn't mean I'm failing as mother, it just means my way of implementing some of her subjects have to be presented to her in different ways.
There are so many moms out there like me which have had moments of vulnerability and moments of defeat. You have beaten yourself up for not being everything to everybody. You have beat yourself up for sometimes allowing your child to stay out to late on a school night and both of you honestly falling asleep instead of double checking her homework. My overwhelming attitude caused for self-reflection. I AM NOT PERFECT and I AM NOT raising a perfect daughter but raising her the absolute best way I know how. Motherhood doesn't come with a manual, it's all trial and error. Somedays you're absolutely killing it and other days you feel as though you've failed miserably. You find yourself comparing your children with those of your peers. You find yourself comparing the quality time and the perfectly placed FB pics of some moms you follow. You find yourself doing everything you can to reach this unrealistic title of the "PERFECT MOMMY!" It will NEVER happen! You will fall, get back up and fall 1,000 more times and in those falls, you will find discover just how amazing you are.
Today I challenge you to like me, take a step back, breathe and appreciate the beauty and strength you possess! You have the most amazing title in the world which is "MOMMY!" You're awesome and your child(ren) are so lucky to have you!
Karmyn now has an amazing teacher who teaches in a way Karmyn understands. I've found so many online resources as well as books which are really helping her to better understand math in the way which is most comfortable for her. I've even invested in a tutor to pick up where her teacher left off and really make sure what she's learning in the classroom is embedded in her super bright and amazing mind! See look, I have this mommy thing down packed...sometimes!:)